our online identities

online identity

I like the positive spin that he puts on the better selves that we present online. That these are aspirational and therefore drive us to be those people. A bit like Neurolinguistic programming or solution focused therapy…we view ourselves being that person. Or like a an athlete visually the perfect lift or hold or kick. It makes those neural connections that make it easier to execute in “real life”

Second post from desperation castle!

Is it possible to explore my relationship with technology and cyberspace from my desk, on one afternoon!

I think that I have done this work, over the past few months. I have certainly sat on my shoulder and observed my on-line behaviour…where I go, what I do.

My online behaviour is very predictable. Much like the recent cell phone tracking research

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/05/science/05mobile.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

that demonstrated that most people rarely stray far from home, I tend to visit the same places. In my case Facebook, trade me, wordpress, nzherald, guardianonline, youtube, and webmail services.

and I rarely write…..I click click click

I used to write.

Back in the dark ages (about 3-4 years ago I was a regular poster on bulletin boards)

what changed. I’ve become more passive. As the internet has become more interactive I have become less so. It feels almost like my brain has become stupefied by so much information, and so much fast information that I just don’t want to do anything but be spoon fed.

 

It’s interesting that this transition came about after I got broadband.

Before, pages took so long to download that it was was worth posting. Had to do something as the bar slowly coloured. I have now become and instant gratification fiend.

I try new sites, but if they don’t instantly engage me I don’t go further,

I don’t want to write…apart from short bursts (twitter would suit be perfectly)

I don’t want to know anymore…I want to be entertained.

I think cyberspace has moved from knowledge to entertainment for me

 

The sad thing is that as I move into this more passive positions, I start forgetting what I loved about cyber space in the first place.

I loved being able to connect with people, that was what it was about for me.

Now as I am entertained I become more unsatisfied.

I spend time playing Mobwars on facebook, appearing offline so that I don’t have to chat to friends.

As I write this I realise that I am starting to fit the DSMIV criteria for addiction!

 

 

One big friend

I’ve been spending a bit of time lately talking awy on facebook chat.

I’ve come to realise that I engage in the same way with everybody.

Strange

It came about when I was chatting to someone that i haven’t seen for seven year, I was chatting in the same way that I chat to my sister, to my friends that I see regularly. I thought Whoa! This isn’t natural.

If I saw someone that I was once close to that I hadn;t seen for some years I would effuse, I would enthuse, I would in general bubble over. But here I was talking in this neutral kind of way.

I wondered what could be happening.
What I think was happening was that I view the “other” as one big entitity. The words are not enough to define individuality. yesterday I felt bored an really unconnected. what’s the point in engaging in this way when it is all so neutral? Yesterday I felt deeply unsatisfied.

Today however, I reflect on hhow relationships need to build online. That 10 minutes of back and forth with and old friends is unsatisfactory but building that relationship, through regular contact may change that, and reduce the ennui.

Am I alone in experiencing this? What are the implications for counselling?

What the….

Reflecting on the process of writing the last post. very aware that actually I wanted somebody to read it. How narcissistic. Didn’t take long to get from performance anxiety to drama queen. Links to the idea that experiences come quicker on the internet…Love, friendship, support, rage, offense and seemingly journalistic pretensions

The experience project

I seem to have been avoiding posting. I seem tohave been avoiding a lot of things. Seems that even in cyberspace I can’t escape from performance anxiety. Seems a little presumptive given that this blog has a likely readership of three or possibly four people. It’s hardly the telegraph now is it.

Anyone I have been trawling around

and I have found some interesting places

Like this one an online confessional

http://www.experienceproject.com/index.php

I should have had my blog here

I like the idea of a place where peopple can engage anonymously with out the rigmarole of a standard social netowrking site. Straight to the point, pour your heart out, no social niceties needed. Like drunken late night pshing with strangers.

No warm up. Just bleeding all over the floor.

It fits with the instant gratification that people seek. The clicking behavour. Sure there are still many conventions that need to be obeyed in cyber space. For a newbie seeking help, support, or friendship it might seem a long winded process, watching, lurking, platitudes then into the swing of things.

The process at the experience project seems more , I don’t know, more urgent maybe.

There is even a place to confess anonymously. A place to rid one self of shame, or to receive the flagellation that one believes one deserves.

Hell, I think it looks awesome and I’m about to go come up with a pseuodnym and go share some nasty secrets

On presentation

I’m finding it interesting thinking about the different ways that we can present online. It assumes a sense of importance. One must present authentically but, as it was pointed out to me today….does it matter? We all choose to present ourselves in various guises throughout the day whether online or not. All are authentic. I don’t buy the idea of different selves: we are a sum of many many parts.

In relationship to therapy i htink that there might be some fear attached to engaging these lesser seen elements of our personality. A sense that there is “something wrong with me”. As a counsellor and as someone learning more about online presence it’s important to normalise this. We all have these fears, we all worry about authenticity and being good enough. These experiences do not point to some greater psychopathology.

Next relocating post on online substance use treatment

From Blogger: Response and responsibility

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

I have been thinking recently about how online group treatment works. Or in particular the type of treatment that I am involved in.
I’m lucky enough to be using video conferencing software which means that I can communicate with participants in real-time. This moderates for some of the effects of the online dishibition effect http://www-usr.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/disinhibit.html
The disinhibtion effect refers to the tendency for some people to present differently to how they would in a face to face situation, due to the absence of obvious consequences and reactions.
Using video conferencing means that participants can see a visual response to the words that they say as well as hearing different intonation and rate of speech. This encourages people to me more authentic, or at least as authentic as they would be in a face to face group.

First post relocating…on process, response and responsibility

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Response and responsibilty

A quick explanation about the title…
As a clinician, responding is what I do, and what I observe, and what I experience.
Responsibility is what leads me to respond professionally, compassionately, ethically and encouragingly.
The two words to me sum up my work and leads to ideas like presence, authenticity and ethics

We’ll see where we go from here

Posted by p-Dub at 9:36 PM 0 comments

A lesson in empathy

I have spent a long time not posting.
Initially because I didn’t have time ( how much time could I need)
Then because I didn’t have a title ( how can I come up with a title when I don’t klnow what I’ll be writing about
Then because I couldn’t choose between blogger and live journal ( I need to use the most user friendly one)
Then because I needed to have the right layout ( what does my layout say about me)
And finally I needed the right Avatar ( Stimpy naturally, but it took a long time to get here)

So what do I take from this process?
Well I consider it to be a similar experience to my clients, when they come seeking help. So many barriers to struggle through before opening the door.
It has taken me two weeks to write, and yet there is little stigma attached to what I do. Admittedly, there is some fear of judgement – will this be good enough?

I’m reminded of what it takes for people to turn up to the online groups that I currently facilitate. All the feelings that I experience compounded by fear, shame, stigma and hope. I am honoured that people make their way through these barriers to arrive at our door.

I’m lucky to have the chance to have a glimpse of what that can be like.

Posted by p-Dub at 9:28 PM 1 comments